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Extortion or education?

I just took my six year old daughter, Alice, to bank her cash. Last week she bought herself a set of roller blades for £24.99.

She occasionally chums me to the local bars, namely the Compass, the Malt & Hops, Bar Java and the Port O’Leith, where she now announces herself as ‘Alice the walking swearbox’. Strangers beware. This child knows what she is doing. Behind that cute smile is a ruthless business kid. You’re allowed one swear word for 10p, 3 for 50p or 5 for a pound. Payment in advance ‘on account’ is encouraged.

This week she bumped into Donnacha, our local Dubliner, who can regularly be seen wandering around Leith with a Thai girl on each arm. Within 15 seconds she gave him her usual smile and demanded her money for the offending expletive. “Fook off you little turd, oi’m Oirish, oi fookin’ swear, roit. If oi start payin’ you you’ll fookin’ bankrupt me!”.

Unpeturbed, she smiled sweetly and roller bladed down the bar to hang around the most unsavoury looking bunch – more likely to swear, you see.

You have to learn to take the knocks in Leith.

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